Vés al contingut

Highly addictive (Learn Bad English Course)

2010/12/18
tags:

 

Según las estadísticas de mi página web he estado de exámenes, también queda bastante claro que dedico demasiado tiempo a repasar las entradas, porqué tengo varias en proceso pero no cuelgo nada hace semanas.

Esta es una historia de humor estilo Cracked.com. Completamente en inglés.

La idea es que los angloparlantes se rian y los españoles, no tan angloparlantes, aprendan giros típicos del “Bad English” y añadan a su vocabulario de inglés palabras tan importantes como “trempar”, por si las necesitan en alguna conversación en el futuro. Es un poco como un curso de inglés para mal hablados que quieran mal hablar el inglés con propiedad. Pongo la lista de palabras nuevas al principio para que podais seguir la historia cómodamente.

Lista de palabras difíciles (de conocer y de incluir en una conversación con tu madre):

In all fairness: Para ser sincero.

Hearing aid: Sonotone.

Have /get a boner: Trempar.

Boner: Miembro trempado.

To bone somebody: ¿Hay que explicarlo? Es lo que se hace con lo de arriba cuando pasa lo de más arriba y consigues ayuda.

To Rot: Pudrirse.

Sigh: Suspiro.

Get a hold of the situation: Comprender claramente la situación. (En el contexto de la historia, también puede significar dominar)

Cardboard: Cartón.

Esctatic: Extatico.

To get aroused: Excitarse sexualmente.

Sewerage waste: Residuos de cloaca.

Crates: Contenedores (pero eso ya lo sabiais del WOW y similares, ¿no?)

Get over it: Supéralo.

Highly addictive

The location is an office in one of the major tobacco companies, two men are talking at opposite sides of a beautiful wooden table. On the left we get Rogers, a mad scientist, who will do everything it takes to keep his family together but in all fairness only does this for the money, (please note that none of these details are important and will never be mentioned again). He is discussing the details of his latest investigation with his boss (Ted, the generic tobacco company executive)

– (Rogers): So, as I was telling you earlier, our efforts to produce a tobacco flavored tomato have been unsatisfactory so far.

– (Ted): That’s too bad Mr.Rogers, this has been a difficult decade for the tobacco companies, sales have gone down and we have accummulated tons of unsold tobacco.We hoped that your experiments would give us a way to reuse it before it rottens, this is why we provided funding for your idea and similar ones, but all of them have failed miserably (sighs).I suppose it’s time to release those non killing, non addictive cigarrettes that we invented in the 50’s, we considered them our last shot!

 

Things went better back then

– (Rogers): There’s that also, my vaguely tomatto things are highly addictive.

-(Ted): (As if touched by lighting) I’m sorry, come again?

– (Rogers): Yeah, eating one of those it’s like smoking a full pack of cigarretes.

-(Ted): No, I mean, could you repeat what the tomatoes are?

– (Rogers): Highly addictive?

-(Ted): Yes. Now, could you repeat only the first word?

– (Rogers): Highly?

-(Ted): And now just the second one and then both of them again.

– (Rogers): Addictive, highly addictive. It’s your hearing aid defective or are you having a boner? Oops nevermind.

-(Ted): Thanks Mr.Rogers I just wanted to get a good hold of the situation, while having an orgasm at the same time. (composes himself) So would you consider those tomatoes of yours like, you know, food?.

– (Rogers): You could say they contain nutrients, yes, the tiny little part that’s not nicotine. Did i mention they taste like cardboard?

-(Ted): Who cares about that! We can launch a big commercial campaign and sell them like nouvelle cuisine, one that turns you into a slave!, (ecstatic) please say again what they are.

– (Rogers): No, I’m not comfortable with this, you are clearly getting aroused!, first invite me to dinner or something…

-(Ted): Sorry you may have misinterpreted me Mr.Rogers, here in the tobacco industry we only have sex with big money piles, just like those overthere next to the sofa, see?. Now if you excuse me I’ll call Mr. Scoundrel, our chief use humans as a resource manager, he’ll be delighted to hear that we finally found a way to turn people into tobacco addicted vampires! A new order is about to be stablished!

 

How did he manage to break his teeth in such a way?

Ted leaves, as soon as Ted closes the door, Rogers takes out his wallet and puts it in a plastic bag. thirty minutes later Ted and Mr.Scoundrel enter the room.

-(Mr.Scoundrel, chief use humans as a resource manager, stares interrogatively at Rogers) Well, yes?.

– (Ted) Come on Rogers!, tell him what you keep telling me about the tomatoes.

– (Rogers) It’s only because you’re forcing me to! Also I would appreciate it if you would put your pants back on, that money pile doesn’t cover you completely. ( to scoundrel) Mr. Scoundrel my tomatoes smell and taste like sewerage waste.

– (Mr.Scoundrel): I see.

– (Rogers): Also you made me include such a great quantity of tobacco inside their ADN that it turned them completely grey. Sometimes at night I mistake the crates we keep them in for my car.

– (Mr. Scoundrel): That doesn’t sound very well indeed, (to Ted) Ted, I fail to see what was so important, that you had to take me out of that meeting that I was having, the one that didn’t have anything to do with ruling the world or vampires .

 

You know, the one with that guy

– (Ted, already fully covered by dolar bills): Tell him.

– (Rogers, in a low voice): Besides they are highly addictive.

– (Mr.Scoundrel) I’m sorry, what?.

– (Rogers): They’re so addictive that we had to shoot the monkey we gave them to before he would kill us all, also I never liked that monkey.

– (Mr. Scoundrel) Nevermind, could you please tell me again what your tomatoes are? And then maybe repeat it a couple of times, then add someting about vampires, don’t worry it’s just a private joke we keep here in the office.

– (Rogers) Not you too! Seriously, what’s wrong with you people?

Camera zooms out (Yes there was a camera. No I never told you, get over it), Ted totally resembles a snow man now, only fully green. Mr.Scoundrel puts on a cape and begins reenacting the “Children of the night” monologue from Bela Lugosi’s Dracula.Rogers tries to follow the act but he’s too distracted about the fact that Ted keeps moving but the dolar bills refuse to fall from him, Rogers doesn’t know why, he is trying so hard not to know why!

 

Anuncis
One Comment leave one →
  1. Ruben permalink
    2010/12/19 15:50

    Tomaacooooo

Deixa un comentari

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

Esteu comentant fent servir el compte WordPress.com. Log Out /  Canvia )

Google+ photo

Esteu comentant fent servir el compte Google+. Log Out /  Canvia )

Twitter picture

Esteu comentant fent servir el compte Twitter. Log Out /  Canvia )

Facebook photo

Esteu comentant fent servir el compte Facebook. Log Out /  Canvia )

S'està connectant a %s

%d bloggers like this: